We go through life, and along the way, we experience Love in every fashion that it is. There's the first love we experience as children: from our parents. We don't understand why, but when we're taking our first steps and saying our first words and learning our first cartwheel, it's our parents that we want to watch. We want them to tell us they love us. And they do. Over and over, they show unconditional love for us, no matter how many times we feel like they couldn't possibly after this mistake.
And then, we get into our pre-teen years. Parents' love isn't important and it's complicated and it doesn't seem like they do, because if they did, they would let us date that cute Freshman boy. But at thirteen, all that matters is our friends' love. The love and acceptance of our peers. Our friends. We want them to love us and we love them and there's no possible way that our friends would hurt us, because they tell me they love me! We're best friends...but then they do. They hurt us and we are, once again, confused by the meaning of love.
But then, you have all of the other Loves.
The love of a sport, hobby, or food. The love of a band, artist, craft, or book series. The love of a fictional character who, why, why, if everyone loves them, why would some all-powerful Writer Being kill them off. Even Other Love confuses us, too.
And we have the love of our significant others! What an amazing, beautiful, and perfectly imperfect love. I am so blessed and thankful that God gave me Andrew: he has made me see things more positively and has helped my compassion for others to grow. He carries my strengths, my struggles, my burdens, my accomplishments, my everything. And I am grateful for the actions, the words, the beauty he shows me each day; and yet still, I'm lost as to how I became so blessed. How did I deserve such a man to make all of this newness and beauty resound in my life? How, after six years, can my love for him just continue to grow deeper?
But it doesn't stop there: I know for me personally, there's another love. The greatest love that was ever shown: Christ's love towards us. And yes, it's still confusing. It's still baffling and astounding and perplexing. Because how does He still love me to die for me? To die for the ones that murdered him? To love us all, even though we have lied; we have cheated; we have thought cruel thoughts; we have not loved others and we were selfish. And yet, He loves us. Yes, even that love is confusing. But it's also clear at the same time: I have so far to go when it comes to my capacity to love.
And I don't mean my capacity to love the things that are easy: my family, my husband, my book series, my kitty, my oh-so-cheesy-and-delicious pizza...but the things that make it difficult for us to love. The boss at work, who, every day, reminds you how inferior you are; the grouchy neighbor who refuses to speak; the driver who cut you off; the friend you thought was your friend.
Hate feeds hate. But love also feeds love. I show you love and then you show her love and she shows him love and he shows them love and they show me love and it's constant! See, even though love is confusing and perplexing and completely, undeniably complicated, there is one thing that we know it is: It. Is. Good. It comes from the heart and the heart is the center of us and Us, we, have the power to make it the center of the world.
Books Read: 3
Friday, February 17, 2017
Friday, February 10, 2017
Embrace the Change, Board Game Metaphors, and MySpace Quizzes
I wasn't exactly sure what to write about today. Nothing has truly inspired me: no monumental health challenge wins or political rants or crafty things. So, I think I'm just going to do a questionnaire! I haven't filled one of these out in forever, and it was all the rage back in '04. But, considering I've been away from the blog world for a few (okay four) years, I might have new readers or maybe people just need a refresher on who I am. Maybe I need a refresher on who I am. Personality Quizzes of the early 2000's are great when you're in an identity crisis. (I'm not, but still).
So, I think four-ish years ago I did one of these posts and I'm going to copy and paste the exact quiz, with my answers from then, and then my answers from today, to compare how much I've changed, grown, matured, etc. 20-Year-Old-Me in black text, 25-Year-Old-Me in red text. Let's get to ch-ch-ch-chaaaangin.
**Disclaimer, read to the end: I promise it gets better and this interview does end, and real bloggy-stuff begins.
1. What was the highlight of your week?
The Big Ticket! A 12 hour music festival of back-to-back bands consisting of Paper Tongues, Grouplove, Of Monsters and Men, FUN., Rise Against, Anberlin, Silversun Pickups, Flogging Molly, and like, a bajillion others. It was nonstop madness and I had an absolute BLAST! Ahhh, I love music festivals. -This week, the highlight was a 67*, sunny day in February!!!! All about the simpler pleasures these days, I suppose.
2. Whose car were you in last?
Mine! -Still true.
3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
On the evening of December 13th when I'm reunited with Andrew! WOOH! -Tonight, when the Then-Boyfriend-Now-Hubs gets home.
4. What color shirt are you wearing?
Not wearing a shirt. ;) Mmmm. Jk. Totally wearing a yellow dress. -What? Did I really write that? Anyway, blue sweater.
5. How long is your hair?
I guess to my chest..... -About the same.
6. Are you good looking?
You know it. I be one hawt chicca. Boiis be breakin' der neckks. -Gosh, I hope I was being sarcastic. What in the world. I probably lost at least 10 followers on this question. And yes, I find myself beautiful inside and out.
7. Last movie you watched?
BRAVE! And it was bloody fantastic. I knew I should've bought it on Black Friday. -Moana? Well, my love for current Disney films hasn't changed.
8. Who were you with?
The two kiddies I was babysitting. -Husband of Mine.
9. Last thing you ate?
Goldfish, ya'll! -A lil cutie!
10. Last thing you drank?
Dat Desani. -Water.
11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
I guess like, almost 2 years ago. But I quickly healed! <3 -Gosh, what? 7 years ago? Time flies when you're in love.
12. Who came over last?
Eric? -Scott.
13. Are you happy right now?
I'd be happier if I were listening to good music opposed to the droning of my weather professor in the background. -Look how rebellious I was. Blogging whilst class-ing. And yes! The joy of the Lord is my strength!
14. What did you say last?
"No, I meant that we have to endure the conflicts in order to achieve greatness later on." -That's good stuff, I might use that some time. And I believe I said, "I love you, bye."
15. Where is your phone?
In front of me, on this desk. -Next to me, on this arm rest.
16. What color are your eyes?
Blue/green/gold -Blue/green/gold
17. Are you left-handed?
Nah. -Nah.
18. Spell your name without vowels:
Shl -Shl Nll Strk
19. Do you have any pets?
No. I'd like a tiny turtle though. Or a puppy-sized elephant. -Little Caaaaaat >^._.^<
20. Favorite Vacation?
Last Christmas in the Northeast! I love dead trees. -Honeymoon in Saint Martin. I love palm trees.
21. What do you dislike currently?
How much CRAP I have to do between this week and next. -This cold weather D:
22. What are you listening to?
I should be listening to this weather lecture... -Still rebellious, I see. And the whispering, low roar of the fireplace.
23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Andrew. Always. -Oh my goodness, so sweet. Still true, but I really want buttery popcorn at the cinema.
24. What is your favorite scent?
Italian food and gasoline. Nice combination. -What?? Eucalyptus, laundered clothes, and popcorn. (I think I just really want popcorn.)
25. Who makes you happiest?
Sigh, Andrew gets this one again. -Still true.
Well, I got bored. This quiz was originally NINETY questions. Honestly, we had so much time on our hands and attention-spans in our heads to complete 90 questions about ourselves. How. HOW!? I deleted the rest of the questions because a) I couldn't handle my 20-Year-Old-Me answers anymore and b) the constant highlighting and changing of text color was really starting to irritate me. Most of my answers have changed except for a few. Looking back at 20-Year-Old-Me, I realized two things: 1) I really had a love for making music, something I never do anymore. 2) I miss college and 3) Why did I spend so long answering 90 questions about myself.
Anyway, moral of the blog: change is good. Disney Channel stars used to do this thing where they'd give advice to their viewers, and like, 95% of them said, "Don't ever change." Also, I think we wrote this a lot in school yearbooks. But honestly, could you imagine not ever changing? I don't mean physically; obviously, that would be weird. But I mean, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and all of the other adjectives ending in "l-y." I think for a lot of us, change is scary. Change means different. Change means unknown and waves and uncertainty. But looking back, it's good, and we have to remember that we are not here without purpose. Everything is connected and everything happens for a reason. Life throws obstacles and setbacks and hardships; it makes you question your existence and what is the point of it all? No, fellow Life-Walker, it's not fair. We're not going to pass GO and collect $200 every time. Sometimes we're going to get thrown in jail. (Metaphorically, speaking, of course) and sometimes the LIFE token says, "Give all of your money to the player to your left."
The point is: all of this bad, all of this change, it eventually turns into good change. It shapes us, makes us stronger, helps us figure out how to better manage our money, or multi-task, or protect our hearts from the ones who seek to hurt us.
Embrace the change now, even if it seems scary and uncertain and even dark. Your purpose is bigger than you know; it's bigger than any of us know. And five years from now, when you're reading your own blog, you'll think, "I'm so glad for the change, because I couldn't bear to think of me still wearing those rainbow suspenders."
Books read: 2 3/4
So, I think four-ish years ago I did one of these posts and I'm going to copy and paste the exact quiz, with my answers from then, and then my answers from today, to compare how much I've changed, grown, matured, etc. 20-Year-Old-Me in black text, 25-Year-Old-Me in red text. Let's get to ch-ch-ch-chaaaangin.
**Disclaimer, read to the end: I promise it gets better and this interview does end, and real bloggy-stuff begins.
1. What was the highlight of your week?
The Big Ticket! A 12 hour music festival of back-to-back bands consisting of Paper Tongues, Grouplove, Of Monsters and Men, FUN., Rise Against, Anberlin, Silversun Pickups, Flogging Molly, and like, a bajillion others. It was nonstop madness and I had an absolute BLAST! Ahhh, I love music festivals. -This week, the highlight was a 67*, sunny day in February!!!! All about the simpler pleasures these days, I suppose.
2. Whose car were you in last?
Mine! -Still true.
3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
On the evening of December 13th when I'm reunited with Andrew! WOOH! -Tonight, when the Then-Boyfriend-Now-Hubs gets home.
4. What color shirt are you wearing?
Not wearing a shirt. ;) Mmmm. Jk. Totally wearing a yellow dress. -What? Did I really write that? Anyway, blue sweater.
5. How long is your hair?
I guess to my chest..... -About the same.
6. Are you good looking?
You know it. I be one hawt chicca. Boiis be breakin' der neckks. -Gosh, I hope I was being sarcastic. What in the world. I probably lost at least 10 followers on this question. And yes, I find myself beautiful inside and out.
7. Last movie you watched?
BRAVE! And it was bloody fantastic. I knew I should've bought it on Black Friday. -Moana? Well, my love for current Disney films hasn't changed.
8. Who were you with?
The two kiddies I was babysitting. -Husband of Mine.
9. Last thing you ate?
Goldfish, ya'll! -A lil cutie!
10. Last thing you drank?
Dat Desani. -Water.
11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
I guess like, almost 2 years ago. But I quickly healed! <3 -Gosh, what? 7 years ago? Time flies when you're in love.
12. Who came over last?
Eric? -Scott.
13. Are you happy right now?
I'd be happier if I were listening to good music opposed to the droning of my weather professor in the background. -Look how rebellious I was. Blogging whilst class-ing. And yes! The joy of the Lord is my strength!
14. What did you say last?
"No, I meant that we have to endure the conflicts in order to achieve greatness later on." -That's good stuff, I might use that some time. And I believe I said, "I love you, bye."
15. Where is your phone?
In front of me, on this desk. -Next to me, on this arm rest.
16. What color are your eyes?
Blue/green/gold -Blue/green/gold
17. Are you left-handed?
Nah. -Nah.
18. Spell your name without vowels:
Shl -Shl Nll Strk
19. Do you have any pets?
No. I'd like a tiny turtle though. Or a puppy-sized elephant. -Little Caaaaaat >^._.^<
20. Favorite Vacation?
Last Christmas in the Northeast! I love dead trees. -Honeymoon in Saint Martin. I love palm trees.
21. What do you dislike currently?
How much CRAP I have to do between this week and next. -This cold weather D:
22. What are you listening to?
I should be listening to this weather lecture... -Still rebellious, I see. And the whispering, low roar of the fireplace.
23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Andrew. Always. -Oh my goodness, so sweet. Still true, but I really want buttery popcorn at the cinema.
24. What is your favorite scent?
Italian food and gasoline. Nice combination. -What?? Eucalyptus, laundered clothes, and popcorn. (I think I just really want popcorn.)
25. Who makes you happiest?
Sigh, Andrew gets this one again. -Still true.
Well, I got bored. This quiz was originally NINETY questions. Honestly, we had so much time on our hands and attention-spans in our heads to complete 90 questions about ourselves. How. HOW!? I deleted the rest of the questions because a) I couldn't handle my 20-Year-Old-Me answers anymore and b) the constant highlighting and changing of text color was really starting to irritate me. Most of my answers have changed except for a few. Looking back at 20-Year-Old-Me, I realized two things: 1) I really had a love for making music, something I never do anymore. 2) I miss college and 3) Why did I spend so long answering 90 questions about myself.
Anyway, moral of the blog: change is good. Disney Channel stars used to do this thing where they'd give advice to their viewers, and like, 95% of them said, "Don't ever change." Also, I think we wrote this a lot in school yearbooks. But honestly, could you imagine not ever changing? I don't mean physically; obviously, that would be weird. But I mean, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and all of the other adjectives ending in "l-y." I think for a lot of us, change is scary. Change means different. Change means unknown and waves and uncertainty. But looking back, it's good, and we have to remember that we are not here without purpose. Everything is connected and everything happens for a reason. Life throws obstacles and setbacks and hardships; it makes you question your existence and what is the point of it all? No, fellow Life-Walker, it's not fair. We're not going to pass GO and collect $200 every time. Sometimes we're going to get thrown in jail. (Metaphorically, speaking, of course) and sometimes the LIFE token says, "Give all of your money to the player to your left."
The point is: all of this bad, all of this change, it eventually turns into good change. It shapes us, makes us stronger, helps us figure out how to better manage our money, or multi-task, or protect our hearts from the ones who seek to hurt us.
Embrace the change now, even if it seems scary and uncertain and even dark. Your purpose is bigger than you know; it's bigger than any of us know. And five years from now, when you're reading your own blog, you'll think, "I'm so glad for the change, because I couldn't bear to think of me still wearing those rainbow suspenders."
Books read: 2 3/4
Friday, February 3, 2017
January Whole30 Wrap-Up & Other Success Things
IT'S FEBRUARY THIRD! That means, that today is weigh-in day for me and the hubs after an entire 30 days of eating only fruits, veggies, meats, fish, nuts, and seeds! And almond butter. Always almond butter. We also tried really hard to go to the gym as much as our tired, detoxed little bodies would have, and I think we did fairly well. Workouts became more fun and energizing, rather than a nuisance and just completely draining. Our sleeping patterns were more steady and uninterrupted, and the days of after-meal bloats, nausea, and lethargy are gone!
And to all of the readers who are saying, "Just get to the point! How much did you lose?!" Well, anxious reader, I'm not going to come out with it. The number is just a number. (It's a happy number, I will say that.) But I look and feel better than I ever have: emotionally, physically, mentally...and that means so much more to me than the number on the scale.
We are so focused on the numbers sometimes, that we don't think about the other gains we achieve! We lose pounds, but gain strength. We lose inches, but gain confidence. We lose fat, but gain the ability to cook those darn-and-once-nasty-brussel sprouts the best way, ever, and now they're our favorite go-to! The point is, we can't get focused on just the numbers: the "goal weight;" the "goal salary;" the "goal-number, number, number." And I just don't want to focus on that anymore! I want to focus on the things I've gained and earned while reaching that number. I want to look at myself in the mirror and say, "Wow, God created something beautiful in me, and I am proud of it."
But enough of the straight-talk. I have other little wins for the month of January besides scale and non-scale victories! Like a): broadening my TV show watching experience out of the HGTV bubble, (aka: The Crown, Once Upon a Time, & House of Cards - Go watch them all now. Seriously.) and b) keeping up with my bullet journal and expanding on my creative skills everyday! I'm super, super in love with how it's coming out and I am honestly really proud of myself for not forgetting about it and letting it fall apart. (Both the goal and the journal.) It's keeping my life in order in the most beautifully, creative way possible! And that makes me happy. I also have to pride myself on my meal prep and planning skills: they have come along way from the first round of Whole30 we did: steak and baked potato and steamed vegetable. Or some sort of dry chicken breast. Super thankful to Pinterest and Instagram and other Whole30 Veterans who just have this overflowing cornucopia of delicious, compliant foods that I would have never even dreamt of. And also major thanks to my husband for being my go-to Meat-Preparer. (One of these days I'll get over my raw-meat aversion. Seriously, I just freeze up and it's like I'm paralyzed by the thought of having to turn that strangely slimy, salmonella-filled, and squishy pile of pink into a meal.) And also, I guess this is turning into an acceptance speech where I'm thanking all of my resources for helping me along this healthy road to my success. (????)
Which brings me to thank the most important one of all: my God. Without His strength and me relying on Him every day to get me through the days when I JUST WANTED PIZZA FOR PETE'S SAKE, and the days when the detox mood-swings were at their worst and I wanted to give up, I prayed. I prayed for strength, and to not be led into the temptation of the bad foods. I prayed for the freedom from food's grip that it had on me. Happy: eat. Sad: eat. Celebrating: eat. Mourning: eat. Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. Well, gone are the days of me being a little, "Is-there-any-more?"-Pooh-Bear!
So, I encourage anyone who feels trapped by food to try the Whole30 program. It's life changing, if you want to change your life. And if you want to expand on your creative side, start a bullet journal! And if you're tired of watching seventy three different ways to flip a flopped house, go watch House of Cards. Seriously, Frank Underwood for freakin' President.
Books read: 2/26
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